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这一期 散养Pie 的嘉宾是 Cookie。一位80后澳洲华人妈妈，女儿快6岁，儿子刚5个月。

我问她当初为什么报名让女儿录这个播客，她说自己一直对做妈妈不太确定——找不到可以模仿的榜样，因为她跟我说："我快40岁了，到现在还不知道我妈到底爱不爱我。"

后来我们聊了两三个小时——关于她从小经历的伤害，关于她35岁第一次反抗父母，关于她现在怎么用自己的方式做妈妈，关于把这种代际传递到自己这里就让它终结。

这一期送给所有带着原生家庭创伤的母亲们。

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Chapters

00:00 - 开场：Cookie的自我介绍

03:45 - 做妈妈一直挺慌的——我找不到可以模仿的榜样

06:30 - 我快40岁了，还不知道我妈到底爱不爱我

07:30 - 童年的具体伤害：菜刀、塑料拖鞋、高压锅PTSD

12:50 - 12岁那年妈妈跟我分享的那段对话

16:25 - 父亲事业失败之后——"你这个垃圾"

22:08 - 向父亲求助菜刀那次，他面无表情看电视

27:30 - 我会不会走到另一个极端——对女儿太溺爱

33:00 - 现在对女儿："妈妈还怪舍不得你的"

35:30 - 钢琴：她跟我说I don't like it，我有点拿不准

38:10 - 我小时候学小提琴：那一刻我相信他们是爱我的

47:00 - 这首歌她不想开始：恐惧很正常，我们先迈出半步

51:00 - 朋友圈的卷妈，我会被动焦虑

55:50 - 数学洗澡课：手不够数脚，脚不够用妈妈头发

01:03:18 - 孩子是来度自己父母的——前面那30年我过得非常假

01:11:20 - 35岁第一次反抗父母，触发了抑郁症

01:18:45 - 闪回的时候，我像中了僵尸病毒想咬人

01:21:00 - 跟女儿道歉：妈妈像被印章盖过一样

01:30:00 - 怎么向女儿解释妈妈跟姥姥姥爷不亲近

01:35:10 - 三类网友反应+数钱羞辱家教

01:45:20 - 像跟渣男谈恋爱：他揍我了又说他爱我

01:53:48 - 代际传递到我这里结束

02:02:00 - 传统东亚家庭里，我怎么为女儿have her back

02:18:20 - 我现在是一个没有家的人——但我想让我女儿回家来

02:22:50 - 在乎你的人，不会舍得伤害你

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如果你喜欢我的内容，欢迎在 Apple Podcasts｜Spotify 给我们打分，或者分享给一个你觉得需要听到的人。

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主播：悉尼MissLi（教育博士，散养Pie 创始人）

嘉宾：Cookie（化名）

在哪里可以看到主播

YouTube：散养Pie

小红书：Sydney_Miss_Li

微信视频号：悉尼Miss Li教育博士

本节目收听方式：目前《散养Pie》在 苹果播客｜小宇宙｜Spotify｜YouTube｜Amazon Music 都可以收听。

看见孩子，也看见自己。

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这一期我们聊了：

· 为什么游戏是他可以说真话的地方

· 如果他买下苹果公司想做什么

· 妈妈的工作被AI替代了他会怎么办

· 学校里有同学一直跟着他他怎么应对

· 他想改的三个规矩

· 他觉得什么不公平

在哪里可以看到主播：

YouTube：散养Pie

小红书：Sydney_Miss_Li

微信视频号：悉尼Miss Li教育博士

本节目收听方式： 目前《散养Pie》在苹果播客｜小宇宙｜Spotify｜YouTube｜Amazon Music 都可以收听

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关于散养Pie：

看见孩子，也看见自己。

散养Pie 是一档面向澳洲华人家庭的育儿播客。主播Li，悉尼大学教育博士，专注儿童社交情绪发展研究，有十多年早期教育和小学教师经验。

100个孩子的声音 是 散养Pie 内的一个系列。我们给孩子提供一个表达的平台，听他们怎么观察这个世界。

这一期，我想聊聊"隐性霸凌"——为什么它比肢体霸凌更难被发现，伤害却更深远。作为在澳洲小学工作多年的教育者，我见过太多孩子在沉默中积累情绪，直到某一天突然爆发，所有人都以为是"他的问题"。

如果你的孩子最近突然变得不想上学、情绪不稳定、或者莫名地"失控"——这期节目可能给你一个不一样的角度去思考孩子行为变化的可能原因。

这期我们聊了：

· 什么才算霸凌？一次冲突和霸凌的区别

· 霸凌的种类：从肢体到社交排斥

· 隐性霸凌为什么最难被发现

· 真实案例：情绪控制有问题的孩子如何成了老师眼中的"施暴者"

· 家长怎么发现孩子被霸凌的信号

· 家里从没机会说"不"的孩子，在外面也不敢反抗霸凌

· "打回去"——你的孩子敢吗？

· 真实案例：平时最乖的孩子为什么突然砸了别人的饭盒

· 寻求帮助不是软弱，是勇气

关于散养Pie： 散养Pie是一个为澳洲华人家长而做的播客。主理人Li是澳洲小学教师、悉尼大学教育学博士，研究方向为儿童社会情感发展与归属感。

看见孩子，也看见自己。

We talk about social media — not from an adult perspective, but from a teenager who lives in it every day. We talk about what happens when you're scrolling through everyone else's perfect life and you weren't even invited. We talk about the kind of bullying that doesn't leave bruises but still does damage. And we talk about why most kids choose not to tell anyone.

We cover:

• How social media creates insecurities — seeing everyone's lives through a screen and picturing them in an "impossible perfect way"
• The fake persona teenagers build online and why they do it
• What teenagers actually miss vs wouldn't miss if social media disappeared tomorrow
• The Australian social media ban — is it working? (Joy says no)
• What it feels like to be left out and watch everyone post about the party you weren't invited to
• The popularity contest — what teenagers do to fit in, including getting in trouble with police and using substances
• Whether that kind of belonging is real belonging (Joy says no)
• The everyday bullying that's harder to name — name calling, teasing, quietly excluding someone
• Why covert bullying happens more than physical bullying but gets taken less seriously
• What happens when you report it — "you're considered an overreactor or a liar"
• Why kids stop telling teachers and parents about bullying
• What teachers actually see vs what they miss
• The difference between boys and girls in friendship conflict
• Why groups of three always seem to end in two fighting over one

Some things Joy said that stayed with me:

"We create our own insecurities through that."

"You would have this fake persona online which just seems so great. But in reality you could be struggling really bad and no one would know."

"It builds up this sense of not belonging."

"If you say something about it, it doesn't count as bullying and you're considered an overreactor or a liar."

"They're just scared it's going to escalate instead of de-escalating it if they tell an adult."

"Some teachers just don't think something that bad could happen to someone this small."

"Most of the times parents have no idea."

If you haven't listened to Part 1, go back and start there — we talked about emotional validation, the wall children build when their feelings get brushed off, and what Joy calls "stable ground."

This is the first episode of 100 Child Voice — a series where I sit down with children and teenagers and just listen. I want to hear how they actually see the world.

Joy is my first guest. She's a teenager who grew up in Australia — observant, thoughtful, and much more self-aware than most adults I know. In this conversation, we talk about what's really going on inside young people's heads that adults don't see.

We cover:

• Why Joy calls herself an overthinker, and what that actually feels like
• What her generation wishes adults understood about mental health
• What happens when a child's feelings get brushed off by their parents
• The wall children build inside when their emotions are invalidated — and why they eventually stop talking to you
• The fake mask: how teenagers perform emotions they don't feel
• What children actually need from their parents (Joy calls it "stable ground")
• The difference between giving advice and controlling your child
• Why Joy says "a child has way more imagination than a parent does — they just need to be out of the cage"
• Why she's scared for her generation to become parents
• The one thing she'd tell every parent
• Her message to any teenager going through something right now

Some things Joy said that stayed with me:

"They probably felt like they did something wrong to make them feel this way."

"They start to build up this wall inside where they won't share anything."

"If you as a parent you're constantly on your phone while your child's trying to talk to you, it slowly builds a barrier in between the trust."

"Controlling parents create rebellious kids. They just want to break out of this shell."

"It's okay to be afraid and it's okay to speak up. Letting go of the idea of being trapped inside your own body is so much better."

This is Part 1 of my conversation with Joy. In Part 2, we talk about social media, belonging, and the kind of bullying that's harder to name.

100 Child Voice is a project by 散养Pie × The Connected Child.

Lyn，21岁带着两千美金和两个行李箱来到澳洲。毕业、结婚、意外怀孕，做了几年全职太太——同时承担着前夫公司所有的账务和文件工作，但在所有人眼里，她只是个"在家带孩子的"。

前夫的一场车祸，改变了婚姻的走向。分居时小女儿才一两岁，离婚时三岁。之后那三年，她一边带两个年幼的女儿，一边同时打三份casual，把工作时间掐在送孩子和接孩子之间，孩子睡了才开始备考CPA。两周掉了八公斤——她后来才意识到，那是抑郁的症状。

但她说，那三年是她人生最精彩的三年。

再婚之后，她成了三个孩子的妈妈：两个亲生女儿，加上先生带来的儿子。同一个屋檐下，两种截然不同的育儿方式，养出了三个走向完全不同的年轻人。这期节目里，她毫不回避地聊了这件事。

我们还聊到：她那套"社会是狩猎场"的育儿哲学，私校和公校的真实体验，怎么跟青春期的女儿谈初恋，以及她认为自己育儿上做得最好的一件事——哪怕心里万匹草泥马的时候，表面也是云淡风轻。

本期关键词

意外怀孕 · 离婚与重建 · 单亲妈妈 · 自爱 · 重组家庭 · 育儿哲学 · 私校vs公校 · 亲子信任 · 青春期 · 不后悔

章节目录

• 个人成长与自我探索
• 单亲妈妈如何走出困境
• 育儿理念与方式
• 继父母角色的挑战
• 青少年的自主决策
• 父母的情绪与冲突处理
• 育儿方式与信任
• 育儿路上的挑战
• 私校还是公校：她的真实体验
• 如果重来一次，她会做什么不一样
• 她认为自己做得最好的一件事