<![CDATA[Now That You See It]]>Kim Paull and Pancho Gomez are two curious, opinionated friends who love nothing more than to change their own minds. Now That You See It is a podcast about the moments when a belief shifts — and what's possible once it does.
Each episode, they dig into the ideas, biases, and assumptions that quietly run our lives — the ones so familiar we've stopped questioning them. Sometimes a guest joins. Sometimes it's just the two of them, thinking out loud together toward something neither of them expected.
They cover the hidden operating system behind everyday stuff: why we judge others faster than ourselves, how our personalities might be inherited survival strategies, what actually makes change stick, why friendships get harder when we're grown.
Conversations go long because that's when the big aha moments hit.
If you've ever caught yourself wondering if anyone else saw that glitch in the matrix, you're in the right place.

]]>https://riverside.comRiverside.fm (https://riverside.com)Thu, 28 May 2026 19:10:25 GMTWed, 26 Nov 2025 00:54:56 GMT60Pancho Gomez & Kim Paull<p>Kim Paull and Pancho Gomez are two curious, opinionated friends who love nothing more than to change their own minds. Now That You See It is a podcast about the moments when a belief shifts — and what's possible once it does.<br />Each episode, they dig into the ideas, biases, and assumptions that quietly run our lives — the ones so familiar we've stopped questioning them. Sometimes a guest joins. Sometimes it's just the two of them, thinking out loud together toward something neither of them expected.<br />They cover the hidden operating system behind everyday stuff: why we judge others faster than ourselves, how our personalities might be inherited survival strategies, what actually makes change stick, why friendships get harder when we're grown.<br />Conversations go long because that's when the big aha moments hit.<br />If you've ever caught yourself wondering if anyone else saw that glitch in the matrix, you're in the right place.</p>episodicPancho Gomez & Kim Paullpancho@becausewhy.netyes<![CDATA[Embrace the Awkward: A Coach's Playbook for Speaking Up with Salvatore Manzi]]>Salvatore Manzi lost his voice on stage the first time he tried to speak publicly. His dad was a public speaker, and his mom facilitated large group events. It was obvious that he would also become a speaker and facilitator. The first time he stood in front of a room, he lost his voice and had to walk off stage, humiliated.

That was the beginning of a 20-year project to help himself and others use their voice clearly and compellingly. He's most excited to work with people who struggle to use their voice: analytical thinkers, introverted leaders, and other people who have brilliant ideas and genuinely struggle to get those ideas across in ways that move other people.

This is a wide-ranging conversation. Salvatore outlines two distinct roots of imposter syndrome in public speaking: a negative experience that taught your nervous system public speaking is dangerous, and a lifetime of conditioning that people like you don't get a voice in rooms like this.

We cover practical tools like using space, silence, and stillness to communicate more powerfully and hold people's attention. We cover nuances like the anticipatory pause and how most people are pausing in the wrong place.

Pancho brings in the concept of vagal authority from polyvagal theory to reinforce Salvatore's practical tip to move 5% more slowly than the rest of the room. Kim shares about her own imposter story, including a toxic boss situation that had an entire team convinced the problem was them individually, until someone passed around a book.

The closing idea is the one worth sitting with. If you can see something extraordinary in someone else, that recognition means you already have some version of it in you. The gap is to step into that capacity yourself.

Once you see that imposter feelings aren't a sign something is wrong with you but a signal you're growing, you can't unsee it.

Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources

]]>3cb60634-6689-4440-950e-38699065e47fThu, 21 May 2026 11:00:00 GMT<p>Salvatore Manzi lost his voice on stage the first time he tried to speak publicly. His dad was a public speaker, and his mom facilitated large group events. It was obvious that he would also become a speaker and facilitator. The first time he stood in front of a room, he lost his voice and had to walk off stage, humiliated.</p><p>That was the beginning of a 20-year project to help himself and others use their voice clearly and compellingly. He's most excited to work with people who struggle to use their voice: analytical thinkers, introverted leaders, and other people who have brilliant ideas and genuinely struggle to get those ideas across in ways that move other people.</p><p>This is a wide-ranging conversation. Salvatore outlines two distinct roots of imposter syndrome in public speaking: a negative experience that taught your nervous system public speaking is dangerous, and a lifetime of conditioning that people like you don't get a voice in rooms like this.</p><p>We cover practical tools like using space, silence, and stillness to communicate more powerfully and hold people's attention. We cover nuances like the anticipatory pause and how most people are pausing in the wrong place.</p><p>Pancho brings in the concept of vagal authority from polyvagal theory to reinforce Salvatore's practical tip to move 5% more slowly than the rest of the room. Kim shares about her own imposter story, including a toxic boss situation that had an entire team convinced the problem was them individually, until someone passed around a book.</p><p>The closing idea is the one worth sitting with. If you can see something extraordinary in someone else, that recognition means you already have some version of it in you. The gap is to step into that capacity yourself.</p><p>Once you see that imposter feelings aren't a sign something is wrong with you but a signal you're growing, you can't unsee it.</p><p></p><p><b>Referenced &amp; Recommended Ideas / Resources</b></p><p></p><ul><li>Clear and Compelling by Salvatore Manzi: his book on communication strategies for leaders, available for pre-order <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/clear-and-compelling-salvatore-manzi/1148510383?ean=9798895740347" target="_blank">https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/clear-and-compelling-salvatore-manzi/1148510383?ean=9798895740347</a></li><li>Taming Your Gremlins by Rick Carson</li><li>Aforemations by Noah St. John</li><li>Multipliers by Liz Wiseman</li><li>Carol Dweck's growth mindset research</li><li>Polyvagal theory and vagal authority</li><li>Chase Hughes, behavioral scientist: referenced for the principle of moving 5% slower than anyone else in the room</li><li>Byron Katie's The Work</li><li>Why The Brain Loves Stories - <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_stories_change_brain" target="_blank">https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_stories_change_brain</a></li></ul><p></p>yes01:17:3833Embrace the Awkward: A Coach's Playbook for Speaking Up with Salvatore Manzifull<![CDATA[You Can't Stop Comparing. So Do It Better]]>"Comparison is the thief of joy" is one of those phrases that gets repeated so often that we take it to be rock-solid wisdom. Pancho calls BS.

Comparison is not the thief of joy. As a matter of fact, it's not a problem at all. It's one of the most fundamental tools the human mind uses to understand anything, including itself. Without it, there's no sense of self, no theory of mind, no way to distinguish what you want from what you need. There would be no way to notice differences between anything. The idea that you could or should stop comparing is wrong, and it misses the point entirely.

What actually steals joy is what we do after we compare. The stories we tell ourselves about what the comparison means. That's what causes the resentment that builds when we can't get what somebody else has. We lose joy when we compare ourselves to other people's highlight reels and take it to mean something about our worth.

This episode covers René Girard's theory of mimetic desire, the idea that most of our wants don't come from within. We want things because other people want them too (or already have them and are shoving your face in it). Peter Thiel understood this when he invested in Facebook within an hour of meeting Zuckerberg. Instagram runs on mimetic desire. Commercials and ads wouldn't work without mimetic desire.

Kim and Pancho also get into social comparison theory, the difference between envy and jealousy, and the consequences of upward and downward comparison. We then talk about what to do instead. Spoiler: it's gratitude, and yes, it's annoying that gratitude seems to be a cure-all to many of the problems we talk about.

Comparison isn't the problem. Evaluating our worth or success by comparing it with others is the problem. and unconsciously adopting other people's desires without recognizing what we're doing is the problem.

Concepts Explored

  • Mimetic desire via René Girard: we want what other people want, not what we authentically choose for ourselves
  • Social comparison theory: in the absence of objective measures, we default to measuring ourselves against other people
  • Envy vs. jealousy: envy is wanting what someone else has, jealousy is fearing the loss of what you already have
  • Upward and downward comparison: how each can either inspire or quietly erode your sense of self

Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources

  • René Girard's mimetic desire theory: the philosophical framework at the center of this episode; search "René Girard mimetic desire" for lectures and interviews
  • Peter Thiel and Facebook: Thiel was a student of Girard at Stanford and applied mimetic desire theory to his investment thesis; his book Zero to One touches on this directly
  • Atomic Habits by James Clear: referenced for the idea of surrounding yourself with people who model the behaviors you want to adopt
  • Sonder: the concept, referenced by Kim, that other people have rich inner lives just like yours; originally coined in The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows by John Koenig

]]>4bd4c6f8-07b6-4a9d-bc65-60a3356e6c0bThu, 14 May 2026 11:30:00 GMT<p>"Comparison is the thief of joy" is one of those phrases that gets repeated so often that we take it to be rock-solid wisdom. Pancho calls BS.</p><p>Comparison is not the thief of joy. As a matter of fact, it's not a problem at all. It's one of the most fundamental tools the human mind uses to understand anything, including itself. Without it, there's no sense of self, no theory of mind, no way to distinguish what you want from what you need. There would be no way to notice differences between anything. The idea that you could or should stop comparing is wrong, and it misses the point entirely.</p><p>What actually steals joy is what we do after we compare. The stories we tell ourselves about what the comparison means. That's what causes the resentment that builds when we can't get what somebody else has. We lose joy when we compare ourselves to other people's highlight reels and take it to mean something about our worth.</p><p>This episode covers René Girard's theory of mimetic desire, the idea that most of our wants don't come from within. We want things because other people want them too (or already have them and are shoving your face in it). Peter Thiel understood this when he invested in Facebook within an hour of meeting Zuckerberg. Instagram runs on mimetic desire. Commercials and ads wouldn't work without mimetic desire.</p><p>Kim and Pancho also get into social comparison theory, the difference between envy and jealousy, and the consequences of upward and downward comparison. We then talk about what to do instead. Spoiler: it's gratitude, and yes, it's annoying that gratitude seems to be a cure-all to many of the problems we talk about.</p><p>Comparison isn't the problem. Evaluating our worth or success by comparing it with others is the problem. and unconsciously adopting other people's desires without recognizing what we're doing is the problem.</p><p></p><p><b>Concepts Explored</b></p><ul><li>Mimetic desire via René Girard: we want what other people want, not what we authentically choose for ourselves</li><li>Social comparison theory: in the absence of objective measures, we default to measuring ourselves against other people</li><li>Envy vs. jealousy: envy is wanting what someone else has, jealousy is fearing the loss of what you already have</li><li>Upward and downward comparison: how each can either inspire or quietly erode your sense of self</li></ul><p></p><p><b>Referenced &amp; Recommended Ideas / Resources</b></p><ul><li>René Girard's mimetic desire theory: the philosophical framework at the center of this episode; search "René Girard mimetic desire" for lectures and interviews</li><li>Peter Thiel and Facebook: Thiel was a student of Girard at Stanford and applied mimetic desire theory to his investment thesis; his book Zero to One touches on this directly</li><li>Atomic Habits by James Clear: referenced for the idea of surrounding yourself with people who model the behaviors you want to adopt</li><li>Sonder: the concept, referenced by Kim, that other people have rich inner lives just like yours; originally coined in The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows by John Koenig</li></ul><p></p>no01:16:1632You Can't Stop Comparing. So Do It Betterfull<![CDATA[If You Can't Take Time Off Is Something Wrong With You?]]>Kim took a real vacation. For what she believes is the first time in her adult life.

The ones before were those "vacations" where the laptop comes out on the beach. They were weeks of checking email only five times a day while everyone else looked on in confusion. This time, it was a full, committed, nothing-on-the-calendar week where she said no to a job offer, canceled future plans to go to a conference, and let her kids make a documentary about Chinese food and hiking.

This episode is a conversation about what it actually takes to disconnect from work when your work feels like a calling, not just a job. Kim sorts through beliefs that kept her in this cycle of not-vacationing. Kim pressure-tests the sneaky ones that sound responsible, and shares what finally broke her open to doing it differently.

Pancho, who has never had this problem, brings a perspective that is alternately baffling and clarifying for Kim: he doesn't vacation to recover from work, he vacations because there are things outside of work worth planning eight months in advance.

Without planning it, this conversation expands both of our understandings of what it means to take a vacation. It gets into identity, leadership, what it means to tie your sense of self to your job title, and why that's a problem whether you're a burnout coach or someone in leadership.

Once you see that you are the asset and no one else can replace you if you run yourself into the ground, you can't unsee it.

Concepts Explored

Toxic productivity vs. genuine vocation: why loving your work makes it harder, not easier, to rest

Identity and work: what happens when your job is also your sense of self

The vacation sensation: heart rate variability, nervous system safety, and what ease actually feels like in the body

Leadership modeling: how the way you vacation shapes the culture your team builds around rest and autonomy

Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources

Masters of Change by Brad Stulberg: referenced in the previous episode on allostasis and change; relevant here for the idea of building stability through intentional recovery cycles

Daniel Kahneman's narrative self vs. experiencing self: referenced by Pancho when discussing whether you're actually enjoying your life, not just proud of the story you tell about it

Now That You See It, Episode 28: Six Habits of the Best Bosses: the relational leadership episode referenced directly in this conversation

Kim's burnout resilience newsletter and upcoming audio series: where the tactical vacation checklist lives; find Kim at kimpaull.com

]]>0225991a-7d87-4e9a-96d6-2bf6d1d2582dThu, 07 May 2026 16:26:57 GMT<p>Kim took a real vacation. For what she believes is the first time in her adult life.</p><p>The ones before were those "vacations" where the laptop comes out on the beach. They were weeks of checking email only five times a day while everyone else looked on in confusion. This time, it was a full, committed, nothing-on-the-calendar week where she said no to a job offer, canceled future plans to go to a conference, and let her kids make a documentary about Chinese food and hiking.</p><p>This episode is a conversation about what it actually takes to disconnect from work when your work feels like a calling, not just a job. Kim sorts through beliefs that kept her in this cycle of not-vacationing. Kim pressure-tests the sneaky ones that sound responsible, and shares what finally broke her open to doing it differently.</p><p>Pancho, who has never had this problem, brings a perspective that is alternately baffling and clarifying for Kim: he doesn't vacation to recover from work, he vacations because there are things outside of work worth planning eight months in advance.</p><p>Without planning it, this conversation expands both of our understandings of what it means to take a vacation. It gets into identity, leadership, what it means to tie your sense of self to your job title, and why that's a problem whether you're a burnout coach or someone in leadership.</p><p>Once you see that you are the asset and no one else can replace you if you run yourself into the ground, you can't unsee it.</p><p></p><p><b>Concepts Explored</b></p><p>Toxic productivity vs. genuine vocation: why loving your work makes it harder, not easier, to rest</p><p>Identity and work: what happens when your job is also your sense of self</p><p>The vacation sensation: heart rate variability, nervous system safety, and what ease actually feels like in the body</p><p>Leadership modeling: how the way you vacation shapes the culture your team builds around rest and autonomy</p><p></p><p><b>Referenced &amp; Recommended Ideas / Resources</b></p><p>Masters of Change by Brad Stulberg: referenced in the previous episode on allostasis and change; relevant here for the idea of building stability through intentional recovery cycles</p><p>Daniel Kahneman's narrative self vs. experiencing self: referenced by Pancho when discussing whether you're actually enjoying your life, not just proud of the story you tell about it</p><p>Now That You See It, Episode 28: Six Habits of the Best Bosses: the relational leadership episode referenced directly in this conversation</p><p>Kim's burnout resilience newsletter and upcoming audio series: where the tactical vacation checklist lives; find Kim at <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="http://kimpaull.com" target="_blank">kimpaull.com</a></p>no01:19:2931If You Can't Take Time Off Is Something Wrong With You?full<![CDATA[Should I Give Up On My Dream? Live Coaching Session]]>Pancho came into this episode without a ready-made insight. He came in with a problem, angst, and some half-baked thoughts.

He's building a coaching practice in an economy that isn't generous to people just starting out. The feedback from clients, platforms, and recruiters is overwhelmingly positive, but his business bank account tells a different story. Somewhere in that gap, there's a frustration that doesn't quite fit the issues most people face in similar scenarios. It's not imposter syndrome or toxic productivity; it's harder to pin down and more personal.

This episode is a live coaching session. Kim coaches Pancho through the paradoxical tension of failing while succeeding. They name it for what it actually is, to trace it back to the values being threatened, to find a way to hold the situation more loosely.

Grief surfaces - disillusionment. The specific pain of finding the thing you believe you're here to do, only to have forces outside your control make it feel precarious. Pancho compares it to planting an orchard and watching the seedlings die. They highlight his value in optimizing for freedom and the sudden feeling of being boxed in as a result. And Pancho recognizes he's walking the line between arguing with reality and actually seeing it clearly.

Though nothing about his situation changes by the end of the conversation, there's a noticeable internal shift.

Once you see how hard it is to get out of your own head without another person to help, you can't unsee it.

Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources

  • The Overstory by Richard Powers: the novel Pancho references, about trees, generations, and the long arc of living things
  • Andrea Gibson, poet: quoted by Pancho, "Even when the truth isn't hopeful, the telling of it is"; andreadgibson.com
  • Now That You See It ep. 26 - Adulting 103: Is It Anxiety or My Personality?: the episode on imposter syndrome, toxic productivity, and related concepts referenced in this conversation
  • Now That You See It ep. 29 - How to Navigate Change You Didn't Choose episode: the unwanted change episode referenced directly in this conversation, on allostasis, resistance, and finding a new baseline
]]>6906711e-f247-4b40-8608-b7e0514f5b34Thu, 30 Apr 2026 11:30:00 GMT<p>Pancho came into this episode without a ready-made insight. He came in with a problem, angst, and some half-baked thoughts.</p><p>He's building a coaching practice in an economy that isn't generous to people just starting out. The feedback from clients, platforms, and recruiters is overwhelmingly positive, but his business bank account tells a different story. Somewhere in that gap, there's a frustration that doesn't quite fit the issues most people face in similar scenarios. It's not imposter syndrome or toxic productivity; it's harder to pin down and more personal.</p><p>This episode is a live coaching session. Kim coaches Pancho through the paradoxical tension of failing while succeeding. They name it for what it actually is, to trace it back to the values being threatened, to find a way to hold the situation more loosely.</p><p>Grief surfaces - disillusionment. The specific pain of finding the thing you believe you're here to do, only to have forces outside your control make it feel precarious. Pancho compares it to planting an orchard and watching the seedlings die. They highlight his value in optimizing for freedom and the sudden feeling of being boxed in as a result. And Pancho recognizes he's walking the line between arguing with reality and actually seeing it clearly.</p><p>Though nothing about his situation changes by the end of the conversation, there's a noticeable internal shift.</p><p>Once you see how hard it is to get out of your own head without another person to help, you can't unsee it.</p><p></p><p><b>Referenced &amp; Recommended Ideas / Resources</b></p><ul><li>The Overstory by Richard Powers: the novel Pancho references, about trees, generations, and the long arc of living things</li><li>Andrea Gibson, poet: quoted by Pancho, "Even when the truth isn't hopeful, the telling of it is"; <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="http://andreadgibson.com" target="_blank">andreadgibson.com</a></li><li>Now That You See It ep. 26 - Adulting 103: Is It Anxiety or My Personality?: the episode on imposter syndrome, toxic productivity, and related concepts referenced in this conversation</li><li>Now That You See It ep. 29 - How to Navigate Change You Didn't Choose episode: the unwanted change episode referenced directly in this conversation, on allostasis, resistance, and finding a new baseline</li></ul>yes01:17:0330Should I Give Up On My Dream? Live Coaching Sessionfull<![CDATA[How To Navigate Change You Didn't Choose]]>Kim read a book she couldn't stop taking notes on. Pancho pushed back on one of its central ideas. What followed was a conversation in which we're not quite sure if we agree.

The book is Masters of Change by Brad Stulberg, and the thing Kim can't unsee is this: when you're in change you didn't choose, there are ways through it that don't require becoming a different person or pretending you're fine. The concept at the center of it is allostasis, stability through change, the idea that after real disruption, you don't return to who you were. You arrive at a new baseline. And there's a window, documented and finite, right after everything falls apart, where you actually get to influence what your baseline looks like.

Kim connects this to her work in health equity and the concept of weathering, how chronic stress physically ages the body, and what that means for who gets to recover well from life's upheavals and who doesn't. Pancho connects it to his own experience of getting laid off, moving into his truck at 24, and what it means to optimize for freedom in a way that makes certain kinds of loss feel less like loss.

The disagreement is about suffering. The book defines suffering as time multiplied by resistance (suffering = time x resistance). Pancho isn't sure that's fair, because resistance might be inevitable. Calling suffering optional might just be setting people up to judge themselves for being human.

They don't fully resolve it. But they get somewhere more honest than where they started.

Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources

  • Masters of Change by Brad Stulberg: the book that prompted this episode, on navigating change you didn't choose; bradstulberg.com
  • The concept of weathering, via Arlene Geronimus: how chronic stress physically ages the body; search "Arlene Geronimus weathering" for her research
  • The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg: the Target pregnancy algorithm story referenced in the episode
  • Atomic Habits by James Clear: Kim brought it up, thinking about Charles Duhigg's work. Worth mentioning, since together they are arguably the best two books on habits written in the past 20 years.
  • Andrea Gibson, poet: quoted directly by Pancho: "Even when the truth isn't hopeful, the telling of it is"; andreadgibson.com
]]>d4bc7f5d-aaf8-4736-bcbf-e0599ecff8c9Sun, 26 Apr 2026 17:45:15 GMT<p>Kim read a book she couldn't stop taking notes on. Pancho pushed back on one of its central ideas. What followed was a conversation in which we're not quite sure if we agree.</p><p>The book is Masters of Change by Brad Stulberg, and the thing Kim can't unsee is this: when you're in change you didn't choose, there are ways through it that don't require becoming a different person or pretending you're fine. The concept at the center of it is allostasis, stability through change, the idea that after real disruption, you don't return to who you were. You arrive at a new baseline. And there's a window, documented and finite, right after everything falls apart, where you actually get to influence what your baseline looks like.</p><p>Kim connects this to her work in health equity and the concept of weathering, how chronic stress physically ages the body, and what that means for who gets to recover well from life's upheavals and who doesn't. Pancho connects it to his own experience of getting laid off, moving into his truck at 24, and what it means to optimize for freedom in a way that makes certain kinds of loss feel less like loss.</p><p>The disagreement is about suffering. The book defines suffering as time multiplied by resistance (suffering = time x resistance). Pancho isn't sure that's fair, because resistance might be inevitable. Calling suffering optional might just be setting people up to judge themselves for being human.</p><p>They don't fully resolve it. But they get somewhere more honest than where they started.</p><p><b>Referenced &amp; Recommended Ideas / Resources</b></p><ul><li><b>Masters of Change by Brad Stulberg</b>: the book that prompted this episode, on navigating change you didn't choose; <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="http://bradstulberg.com" target="_blank">bradstulberg.com</a></li><li><b>The concept of weathering, via Arlene Geronimus</b>: how chronic stress physically ages the body; search "Arlene Geronimus weathering" for her research</li><li><b>The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg</b>: the Target pregnancy algorithm story referenced in the episode</li><li><b>Atomic Habits by James Clear</b>: Kim brought it up, thinking about Charles Duhigg's work. Worth mentioning, since together they are arguably the best two books on habits written in the past 20 years.</li><li><b>Andrea Gibson, poet</b>: quoted directly by Pancho: "Even when the truth isn't hopeful, the telling of it is"; <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="http://andreadgibson.com" target="_blank">andreadgibson.com</a></li></ul>yes01:12:2429How To Navigate Change You Didn't Choosefull<![CDATA[Pancho on 6 Habits of the Best Bosses]]>Just because your coworkers trust you'll do your job doesn't mean they trust you.

This episode goes deep into the practical side of Pancho's relational leadership coaching: six tools he brings into corporate teams, startups, and individual coaching engagements that consistently change how people work together. Most of them require nothing more than a shared document or a different approach to the same conversation.

Each tool connects back to a throughline Pancho: the goal is employee empowerment. Teaching people to think like stakeholders, develop personal agency, and understand how their work connects to something bigger.

Kim brings her own lens throughout, including the concept of mattering and the parallel between what adults need at work and what kids need at home.

Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources

Radical Candor by Kim Scott: the framework behind hard conversations at work, care personally, challenge directly - ⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmxHUiiHgNk⁠

Brené Brown on trust - ⁠https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Vaq2jMJe4mU⁠

Simon Sinek on trust - ⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge3nrxoC_ag⁠

Carol Sanford's regenerative design thinking: the framework behind personal agency, locus of control, and external considering - ⁠https://carolsanford.com/the-regenerative-business/⁠

Dan Walker on Now That You See It, Episode 4 - ⁠https://open.spotify.com/episode/1I0ZfSCVQYqbcHGc8CSMok?si=f8744536d81d4a56⁠

Zach Mercurio, Mattering: concept of mattering vs. belonging - ⁠https://www.zachmercurio.com/the-power-of-matterin⁠g/

]]>36aa8ed1-349b-4e2d-bbcc-1aeadcaa98fbFri, 17 Apr 2026 20:57:52 GMT<p>Just because your coworkers trust you'll do your job doesn't mean they trust you.</p><p></p><p>This episode goes deep into the practical side of Pancho's relational leadership coaching: six tools he brings into corporate teams, startups, and individual coaching engagements that consistently change how people work together. Most of them require nothing more than a shared document or a different approach to the same conversation.</p><p></p><p>Each tool connects back to a throughline Pancho: the goal is employee empowerment. Teaching people to think like stakeholders, develop personal agency, and understand how their work connects to something bigger.<br /></p><p>Kim brings her own lens throughout, including the concept of mattering and the parallel between what adults need at work and what kids need at home.</p><p></p><p><b>Referenced &amp; Recommended Ideas / Resources</b></p><p>Radical Candor by Kim Scott: the framework behind hard conversations at work, care personally, challenge directly - <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmxHUiiHgNk" target="_blank">⁠</a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmxHUiiHgNk⁠" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmxHUiiHgNk⁠</a></p><p>Brené Brown on trust - <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Vaq2jMJe4mU" target="_blank">⁠</a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Vaq2jMJe4mU⁠" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Vaq2jMJe4mU⁠</a></p><p>Simon Sinek on trust - <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge3nrxoC_ag" target="_blank">⁠</a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge3nrxoC_ag⁠" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge3nrxoC_ag⁠</a></p><p>Carol Sanford's regenerative design thinking: the framework behind personal agency, locus of control, and external considering - <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://carolsanford.com/the-regenerative-business/" target="_blank">⁠</a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://carolsanford.com/the-regenerative-business/⁠" target="_blank">https://carolsanford.com/the-regenerative-business/⁠</a></p><p>Dan Walker on Now That You See It, Episode 4 - <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/1I0ZfSCVQYqbcHGc8CSMok?si=f8744536d81d4a56" target="_blank">⁠</a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/1I0ZfSCVQYqbcHGc8CSMok?si=f8744536d81d4a56⁠" target="_blank">https://open.spotify.com/episode/1I0ZfSCVQYqbcHGc8CSMok?si=f8744536d81d4a56⁠</a></p><p>Zach Mercurio, Mattering: concept of mattering vs. belonging - <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.zachmercurio.com/the-power-of-matterin" target="_blank">⁠</a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.zachmercurio.com/the-power-of-matterin⁠g/" target="_blank">https://www.zachmercurio.com/the-power-of-matterin⁠g/</a></p><p></p>no01:25:1828Pancho on 6 Habits of the Best Bossesfull<![CDATA[The Older I Get, The Less I Know with Matthew Kimberley]]>Matthew Kimberley wrote a self-help book at 27 called How to Get a Grip. He was certain he had things figured out. And he's spent the last 20 years finding out how little he knew.

In this episode, Matthew joins Kim and Pancho to talk about what he can't unsee: his own fallibility. It's been a gradual process: kids born with health challenges, a marriage dragged through the rocks, career swings that didn't land, and the accumulation of everything life throws at you when you stop being invincible.

What fills the space left by that certainty? For Matthew, it's relationships. A personal CRM to stay in touch with the people he cares about. A Red Velvet Rope policy that protects everyone's experience. The understanding that every good thing in his career traces back to a person, not a strategy.

The conversation also gets into the Dunning-Kruger effect, why Matthew has largely gone quiet on the internet, why silence isn't violence, and what it looks like to operate from hard-won wisdom instead of loud confidence.

Once you see how much you don't know, you can't unknow it. But that's not necessarily a bad place to be.

Concepts Explored

  • The Dunning-Kruger effect and what it looks like from the inside looking out
  • Fallibility as a slow realization rather than a single moment
  • Relationships as infrastructure: why Matthew traces every career win back to a person, not a strategy
  • The Red Velvet Rope Policy and why protecting who you work with protects everyone

Referenced & Recommended Resources

  • Book Yourself Solid by Michael Port and Matthew Kimberley (20th anniversary edition, October 2025): the system Matthew built his coaching practice around
  • The Single Malt Mastermind: Matthew's weekly email accountability program at singlemaltmastermind.com
  • Wittgenstein's Ruler via Nassim Nicholas Taleb: if a source isn't reliable, their opinion says more about them than about the subject
  • matthewkimberley.com: where to find Matthew and reach out directly
]]>ec49eea6-87be-49b6-868b-5322461d53a1Thu, 09 Apr 2026 11:30:00 GMT<p>Matthew Kimberley wrote a self-help book at 27 called <i>How to Get a Grip</i>. He was certain he had things figured out. And he's spent the last 20 years finding out how little he knew.</p><p>In this episode, Matthew joins Kim and Pancho to talk about what he can't unsee: his own fallibility. It's been a gradual process: kids born with health challenges, a marriage dragged through the rocks, career swings that didn't land, and the accumulation of everything life throws at you when you stop being invincible.</p><p>What fills the space left by that certainty? For Matthew, it's relationships. A personal CRM to stay in touch with the people he cares about. A Red Velvet Rope policy that protects everyone's experience. The understanding that every good thing in his career traces back to a person, not a strategy.</p><p>The conversation also gets into the Dunning-Kruger effect, why Matthew has largely gone quiet on the internet, why silence isn't violence, and what it looks like to operate from hard-won wisdom instead of loud confidence.</p><p>Once you see how much you don't know, you can't unknow it. But that's not necessarily a bad place to be.</p><p><b>Concepts Explored</b></p><ul><li>The Dunning-Kruger effect and what it looks like from the inside looking out</li><li>Fallibility as a slow realization rather than a single moment</li><li>Relationships as infrastructure: why Matthew traces every career win back to a person, not a strategy</li><li>The Red Velvet Rope Policy and why protecting who you work with protects everyone</li></ul><p>Referenced &amp; Recommended Resources</p><ul><li><b>Book Yourself Solid by Michael Port and Matthew Kimberley</b> (20th anniversary edition, October 2025): the system Matthew built his coaching practice around</li><li><b>The Single Malt Mastermind</b>: Matthew's weekly email accountability program at <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="http://singlemaltmastermind.com" target="_blank">singlemaltmastermind.com</a></li><li><b>Wittgenstein's Ruler via Nassim Nicholas Taleb</b>: if a source isn't reliable, their opinion says more about them than about the subject</li><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="http://matthewkimberley.com" target="_blank"><b>matthewkimberley.com</b></a>: where to find Matthew and reach out directly</li></ul>no01:06:5827The Older I Get, The Less I Know with Matthew Kimberleyfull<![CDATA[Adulting 103: Is it Anxiety or Your Personality?]]>What if some of what you've always called your personality is actually anxiety in disguise?

That's the thread Kim and Pancho pull on in this episode. It's genuinely hard to untangle the overlap between who you are and what your nervous system has just gotten used to doing.

They look at how traits like conscientiousness, planning, and people-pleasing can be anxiety in a disguise that seems reasonable. And how, when it's been baked in long enough, it stops looking like a coping mechanism and starts looking like just... you.

Pancho introduces the Hedonic Treadmill of Anxiety, the loop where unaddressed fear gets intellectualized into worst-case scenarios, generates a small dopamine hit, and keeps you spinning in hypotheticals instead of taking real action. Kim brings in the Big Five personality traits to help draw the line between what you were born with and what got layered on top.

The episode introduces useful ways to distinguish between your anxiety and your personality. It's a tricky distinction to draw, and there aren't necessarily clear answers. But it's an opportunity to understand yourself and your nervous system with more nuance.

Once you see that this constant anxious baseline might not be a part of who you are, you can't unsee it.

Recommended Reading and Concepts to Explore

]]>c7c468fc-fd95-4cd1-94be-0e01dece71c6Thu, 02 Apr 2026 11:30:00 GMT<p>What if some of what you've always called your personality is actually anxiety in disguise?</p><p>That's the thread Kim and Pancho pull on in this episode. It's genuinely hard to untangle the overlap between who you are and what your nervous system has just gotten used to doing.</p><p>They look at how traits like conscientiousness, planning, and people-pleasing can be anxiety in a disguise that seems reasonable. And how, when it's been baked in long enough, it stops looking like a coping mechanism and starts looking like just... you.</p><p>Pancho introduces the Hedonic Treadmill of Anxiety, the loop where unaddressed fear gets intellectualized into worst-case scenarios, generates a small dopamine hit, and keeps you spinning in hypotheticals instead of taking real action. Kim brings in the Big Five personality traits to help draw the line between what you were born with and what got layered on top.</p><p>The episode introduces useful ways to distinguish between your anxiety and your personality. It's a tricky distinction to draw, and there aren't necessarily clear answers. But it's an opportunity to understand yourself and your nervous system with more nuance.</p><p>Once you see that this constant anxious baseline might not be a part of who you are, you can't unsee it.</p><p></p><p><b>Recommended Reading and Concepts to Explore</b></p><ul><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/5nJLKnDlrglZgn2VlAlfF4?si=b548d6259ede4975" target="_blank">⁠Now That You See It ep 13 - Generations Ago, Your Personality Formed: Judy Hu On Epigenetics and Inherited Pain⁠</a></li><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://youtu.be/oqQW8f2UZSc?si=sz42RS4-3jWD_oN1&amp;t=193" target="_blank">⁠Joe Hudson on the experiences we avoid feeling⁠</a></li><li>The Big 5 Personality Traits - take the test <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://bigfive-test.com/" target="_blank">⁠here⁠</a></li><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.becausewhy.net/journal/certainty-and-anxiety" target="_blank">⁠The Hedonic Treadmill of Anxiety article</a></li></ul>yes01:04:2526Adulting 103: Is it Anxiety or Your Personality?full<![CDATA[Coming Out Was Never Just About Being Gay]]>What happens when the version of you that has been working for so long no longer fits?

This episode explores the slow process Kim took to understand herself and the resulting coming out to her friends and family.

We explore how coming out is more than a process for people to publicly step into a more self-affirming sexual orientation. Coming out is a process for anyone who has to share something about their identity when there's something at stake.

Whether it's coming out as gay, telling your kids about your separation, or admitting to yourself and your coworkers that you're burned out, publicly stepping into a new identity comes with risk.

In this episode, we get into:

  • The loss of being the capable, reliable one
  • Why burnout can also bring clarity, not just exhaustion
  • The gap between knowing something needs to change and actually changing it
  • The tension between truth and safety, and how that shapes how we navigate these dynamics

Finally, we talk about the difficulty and cognitive dissonance of staying in a situation that no longer fits, even after coming out.

Recommended Research and Reading

]]>6741207b-f50f-4999-b6ba-3af1dfa7059aWed, 25 Mar 2026 00:15:55 GMT<p>What happens when the version of you that has been working for so long no longer fits?</p><p>This episode explores the slow process Kim took to understand herself and the resulting coming out to her friends and family.</p><p>We explore how coming out is more than a process for people to publicly step into a more self-affirming sexual orientation. Coming out is a process for anyone who has to share something about their identity when there's something at stake.</p><p>Whether it's coming out as gay, telling your kids about your separation, or admitting to yourself and your coworkers that you're burned out, publicly stepping into a new identity comes with risk.</p><p>In this episode, we get into:</p><ul><li>The loss of being the capable, reliable one</li><li>Why burnout can also bring clarity, not just exhaustion</li><li>The gap between knowing something needs to change and actually changing it</li><li>The tension between truth and safety, and how that shapes how we navigate these dynamics</li></ul><p>Finally, we talk about the difficulty and cognitive dissonance of staying in a situation that no longer fits, even after coming out.</p><p></p><p><b>Recommended Research and Reading</b></p><ul><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://brenebrown.com/resources/living-into-our-values-3/" target="_blank">⁠Brené Brown’s Values Exercise⁠</a></li><li>The Dunning-Kruger Effect and The Valley of Despair</li><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3zPgyvCiJI" target="_blank">⁠Adam Grant on Languishing⁠</a></li><li>Staying Stuck in Cognitive Dissonance</li></ul>yes01:21:0825Coming Out Was Never Just About Being Gayfull<![CDATA[What Am I Suffering From? with Chris Burkard, Storyteller and Photographer ]]>Chris has spent much of his life looking ahead.

Ahead to the next race. The next film. The next goal.


In this conversation, he reflects on what’s led him to slow his forward momentum.

We talk about entering a three-day darkness retreat and being told, “You’re just an animal in a cage.” About what surfaces when fight-or-flight kicks in without your usual coping mechanisms. About asking yourself, What am I suffering from?

We also talk about friendship and family.

About showing love through acts of service, while wishing you had shown up in person more.

About realizing you’ve been “on your own program” and trying to renegotiate what relationships look like at 40.

And we talk about his mom.

Sixteen surgeries.

Moving home to be closer.

The strange experience of outliving a parent.

And the awareness that, eventually, the people we love become the stories we tell about them.

Chris doesn’t present himself as having figured it out. He’s in it. Grateful. Regretful. Still recalibrating.

After spending years looking ahead and a season looking back, he’s trying to do something simpler: Be right here.

Resources Mentioned & Recommended Reading/Listening

]]>b9e751b7-0794-4082-b8a9-2ab4946aaf56Thu, 12 Mar 2026 11:15:00 GMT<p>Chris has spent much of his life looking ahead.<br /></p><p>Ahead to the next race. The next film. The next goal.</p><p><br />In this conversation, he reflects on what’s led him to slow his forward momentum.</p><p></p><p>We talk about entering a three-day darkness retreat and being told, “You’re just an animal in a cage.” About what surfaces when fight-or-flight kicks in without your usual coping mechanisms. About asking yourself, <i>What am I suffering from?</i></p><p></p><p>We also talk about friendship and family.</p><p>About showing love through acts of service, while wishing you had shown up in person more.</p><p>About realizing you’ve been “on your own program” and trying to renegotiate what relationships look like at 40.</p><p></p><p>And we talk about his mom.</p><p>Sixteen surgeries.</p><p>Moving home to be closer.</p><p>The strange experience of outliving a parent.</p><p>And the awareness that, eventually, the people we love become the stories we tell about them.</p><p></p><p>Chris doesn’t present himself as having figured it out. He’s in it. Grateful. Regretful. Still recalibrating.</p><p></p><p>After spending years looking ahead and a season looking back, he’s trying to do something simpler: Be right here.</p><p></p><p><b>Resources Mentioned &amp; Recommended Reading/Listening</b></p><ul><li>Learn more about Chris and his work <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.chrisburkard.com/" target="_blank">⁠</a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.chrisburkard.com/⁠" target="_blank">https://www.chrisburkard.com/⁠</a></li><li>Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown</li><li>Sky Cave Darkness Retreats - <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.skycaveretreats.com/" target="_blank">⁠</a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.skycaveretreats.com/⁠" target="_blank">https://www.skycaveretreats.com/⁠</a></li><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/50uDtCkkFXIez7kMI5pTYg?si=6MuwN9A8QLW0GENVBtOJzQ" target="_blank">⁠Adulting 101: How To Make Friends as a Grownup ⁠</a></li></ul><p></p>yes01:16:1624What Am I Suffering From? with Chris Burkard, Storyteller and Photographer full<![CDATA[The Moms Who Are Rewriting The Rules with Julie Bacon of the Mothership Collective]]>Motherhood does not arrive quietly. It changes your body, your brain, your calendar, and your identity. And then the world starts treating you differently before you’ve even figured out who you are becoming.

In this conversation with Julie Bacon, founder of the Mothership Collective, we discuss the identity shift of motherhood, both from within and from without. Julie shares what it was like to mountain bike while pregnant, struggle through postpartum depression, and build a community that refuses to let motherhood shrink who women are.

We explore the mental load no one prepares you for, the tension of trading off freedom with a partner, and why visibility matters when it comes to pregnant bodies doing powerful things. We also unpack what happens when an eight-month pregnant climber goes viral, and the internet trolls weigh in.

This episode is for all the moms out there navigating this inevitable identity shift and those in support of that journey.

What does it take to stay connected to yourself when everything is changing and the world is telling you to become someone else?

Resources Mentioned and Suggested Reading

]]>c042d408-2e57-4529-90bb-fdabdaeb3a49Thu, 26 Feb 2026 12:15:00 GMT<p>Motherhood does not arrive quietly. It changes your body, your brain, your calendar, and your identity. And then the world starts treating you differently before you’ve even figured out who you are becoming.</p><p>In this conversation with Julie Bacon, founder of the Mothership Collective, we discuss the identity shift of motherhood, both from within and from without. Julie shares what it was like to mountain bike while pregnant, struggle through postpartum depression, and build a community that refuses to let motherhood shrink who women are.</p><p>We explore the mental load no one prepares you for, the tension of trading off freedom with a partner, and why visibility matters when it comes to pregnant bodies doing powerful things. We also unpack what happens when an eight-month pregnant climber goes viral, and the internet trolls weigh in.</p><p>This episode is for all the moms out there navigating this inevitable identity shift and those in support of that journey.</p><p>What does it take to stay connected to yourself when everything is changing and the world is telling you to become someone else?</p><p></p><p><b>Resources Mentioned and Suggested Reading</b></p><ul><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://mothership-collective.com/pages/uncharted-territory-blog" target="_blank">⁠<b>The Mothership Blog</b>⁠</a></li><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.instagram.com/the.mothership.collective/" target="_blank">⁠<b>@the.mothership.collective</b>⁠</a> on Instagram</li><li><b>Matrescence by Lucy Jones</b></li><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://jamesclear.com/identity-based-habits" target="_blank">⁠<b>Identity-Based Habits</b>⁠</a><b> by James Clear</b></li><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DUI7C1hFAcH/?img_index=1" target="_blank">⁠<b>Maternity Shoot Instagram post</b>⁠</a></li></ul>yes01:08:4322The Moms Who Are Rewriting The Rules with Julie Bacon of the Mothership Collectivefull<![CDATA[Why 'I Deserve' Gives You the Ick]]>"I deserve this."

If you immediately get the ick, you're not alone. But why? Shouldn't it sound empowering?

In this conversation, we unpack one of the most loaded phrases in modern self-help culture. We explore the difference between deserving dignity and demanding outcomes, between healthy self-care and subtle entitlement. Depending on how "I deserve" is used, it can signal a healthy relationship with your needs or it can be a way of emotionally bypassing the shame you feel about having them met.

Though we agree on several points, Kim and I (Pancho) come to realize we hold a different framework of what it means to deserve and when we are actually deserving of things.

We talk about deserving in transactional relationships, the tension between self-determination and belonging, and how burnout and resentment often result from an unhealthy relationship with deserving rest. Along the way, we question whether deserving is something we earn, something inherent, or mostly a story we tell ourselves to avoid harder emotions.

This episode is for anyone who struggles to rest without earning it, to ask for help without guilt, or to process disappointment without turning it into bitterness.

If it feels like something is off when someone says, "I deserve," then this episode is for you. And if you're the one who said it, this episode is for you too :)

Resources Mentioned & Recommended Reading / Listening

]]>b23634b0-aa28-4365-9d6d-b792c86f02eaThu, 19 Feb 2026 12:00:00 GMT<p>"I deserve this."</p><p></p><p>If you immediately get the ick, you're not alone. But why? Shouldn't it sound empowering?</p><p></p><p>In this conversation, we unpack one of the most loaded phrases in modern self-help culture. We explore the difference between deserving dignity and demanding outcomes, between healthy self-care and subtle entitlement. Depending on how "I deserve" is used, it can signal a healthy relationship with your needs or it can be a way of emotionally bypassing the shame you feel about having them met.</p><p></p><p>Though we agree on several points, Kim and I (Pancho) come to realize we hold a different framework of what it means to deserve and when we are actually deserving of things.</p><p></p><p>We talk about deserving in transactional relationships, the tension between self-determination and belonging, and how burnout and resentment often result from an unhealthy relationship with deserving rest. Along the way, we question whether deserving is something we earn, something inherent, or mostly a story we tell ourselves to avoid harder emotions.</p><p></p><p>This episode is for anyone who struggles to rest without earning it, to ask for help without guilt, or to process disappointment without turning it into bitterness.</p><p></p><p>If it feels like something is off when someone says, "I deserve," then this episode is for you. And if you're the one who said it, this episode is for you too :)</p><p></p><p><b>Resources Mentioned &amp; Recommended Reading / Listening</b></p><ul><li>Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari - Chapter 6: "Building Pyramids" proposes that human rights are a culturally constructed fiction</li><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_juPDoa3GBY" target="_blank">⁠Self-Determination Theory⁠</a></li><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desert_(philosophy)" target="_blank">⁠Desert (philosophy)⁠</a></li><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22641-emdr-therapy" target="_blank">⁠⁠EMDR Therapy</a></li></ul>no01:07:0021Why 'I Deserve' Gives You the Ickfull<![CDATA["Why Was I Ever Scared to Talk to This Guy?" with Pancho's Wife, Steph]]>The way we see ourselves can differ widly from the way others see us. We might see ourselves as competent, self-aware, and reasonable. And maybe we are. But our friends, family, significant others, and strangers all have a different idea of who we are, and that's fascinating.

In this guestisode, Pancho’s wife Steph joins the podcast, with Kim facilitating, to explore the gap between self-perception and how we’re actually perceived by family, colleagues, and strangers. The conversation starts with jokes about Pancho's ADHD and dirty dishes, then moves into a deeper discussion of blind spots, intimidation, personality frameworks, and the strange way we revert to older versions of ourselves around the people who’ve known us longest.

This episode is for those who feel quietly misunderstood or who wonder how to build more honest, open relationships. We talk about the dynamics of moving from one chapter of life into the next, growing together or growing apart as we go.

Resources Mentioned & Recommended Reading / Listening

  • The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin
  • Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell & John Ratey
  • The science of healthy relationships with John and Julie Gottman | Re:Thinking with Adam Grant

]]>9695308b-4f5d-472f-98e7-c9546cac0238Thu, 12 Feb 2026 16:56:53 GMT<p>The way we see ourselves can differ widly from the way others see us. We might see ourselves as competent, self-aware, and reasonable. And maybe we are. But our friends, family, significant others, and strangers all have a different idea of who we are, and that's fascinating.</p><p>In this guestisode, Pancho’s wife Steph joins the podcast, with Kim facilitating, to explore the gap between self-perception and how we’re actually perceived by family, colleagues, and strangers. The conversation starts with jokes about Pancho's ADHD and dirty dishes, then moves into a deeper discussion of blind spots, intimidation, personality frameworks, and the strange way we revert to older versions of ourselves around the people who’ve known us longest.</p><p>This episode is for those who feel quietly misunderstood or who wonder how to build more honest, open relationships. We talk about the dynamics of moving from one chapter of life into the next, growing together or growing apart as we go.</p><p></p><p><b>Resources Mentioned &amp; Recommended Reading / Listening</b></p><ul><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/how-the-enneagram-system-works/" target="_blank">How The Enneagram System Works</a></li></ul><ul><li>The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin</li></ul><ul><li>Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell &amp; John Ratey</li></ul><ul><li>The science of healthy relationships with John and Julie Gottman | Re:Thinking with Adam Grant</li></ul><p></p>yes01:19:2420"Why Was I Ever Scared to Talk to This Guy?" with Pancho's Wife, Stephfull<![CDATA[How to Stop the Boom-Bust Change Cycle with Paradie Stewart]]>Change rarely announces itself with fireworks. More often, it is a boring process. It's quiet. Almost like nothing is happening.

In this conversation with Paradie Stewart, we talk about why real change tends to move at a pace that frustrates us, and why that frustration is often a sign you’re doing it right. We explore the tension between urgency and sustainability, how intensity can masquerade as progress, and why slowing down is sometimes the most disciplined move you can make.

This episode is for anyone who feels behind, impatient, or tempted to overhaul their life for the tenth time. We’re less interested in hacks and more interested in what actually sticks, even when it doesn’t feel impressive in the moment.

If you’ve ever wondered why lasting change feels underwhelming before it feels transformative, this one’s for you.

Resources Mentioned & Recommended Reading / Listening

]]>3bb03a18-f867-4924-85fc-e883c782b7afMon, 09 Feb 2026 20:53:57 GMT<p>Change rarely announces itself with fireworks. More often, it is a boring process. It's quiet. Almost like nothing is happening.</p><p>In this conversation with Paradie Stewart, we talk about why real change tends to move at a pace that frustrates us, and why that frustration is often a sign you’re doing it right. We explore the tension between urgency and sustainability, how intensity can masquerade as progress, and why slowing down is sometimes the most disciplined move you can make.</p><p>This episode is for anyone who feels behind, impatient, or tempted to overhaul their life for the tenth time. We’re less interested in hacks and more interested in what actually sticks, even when it doesn’t feel impressive in the moment.</p><p>If you’ve ever wondered why lasting change feels underwhelming before it feels transformative, this one’s for you.</p><p><b>Resources Mentioned &amp; Recommended Reading / Listening</b></p><ul><li>The Art of Wayfinding: Discover Your Inner Guide On &amp; Off the Mat by Meadow DeVor</li><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://positivepsychology.com/positive-intelligence/" target="_blank">⁠Positive Intelligence: How to Overcome Saboteurs in Coaching⁠</a></li></ul><ul><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/internal-family-systems-therapy" target="_blank">⁠Internal Family Systems Therapy⁠</a></li><li><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.trailrunnermag.com/people/culture-people/heart-rate-variability-and-mental-health/" target="_blank">⁠The Connection Between Heart Rate Variability and Mental Health</a></li></ul>yes01:13:2019How to Stop the Boom-Bust Change Cycle with Paradie Stewartfull<![CDATA[Making Peace With An Unfair World with Kisch Lenus]]>We grow up with the narrative that if we follow the rules, we'll be rewarded. Go to school, work hard, check all the boxes, and things will turn out like they should. Then we're faced with the reality that sometimes the rules don’t work, the rewards never come, and the world isn't fair.

In this episode, Pancho and Kim talk with Kish Lenus about bumping up against the “hidden rules” of schooling, work, systems, and success. Kish shares how he moved between cultures, expectations, and assumptions about effort and reward. He shares how his unique background shaped his path into community building and entrepreneurship. Along the way they explore entitlement, fairness, culture, and how resilience, adaptability, and community often matter more than rigid rule-following.

This is a grounded take on what actually shapes success and meaning in a world that rarely makes sense the way we were told it would.

We grow up with the narrative that if we follow the rules, we'll be rewarded. Go to school, work hard, check all the boxes, and things will turn out like they should. Then we're faced with the reality that sometimes the rules don’t work, the rewards never come, and the world isn't fair.

In this episode, Pancho and Kim talk with Kish Lenus about bumping up against the “hidden rules” of schooling, work, systems, and success. Kish shares how he moved between cultures, expectations, and assumptions about effort and reward. He shares how his unique background shaped his path into community building and entrepreneurship. Along the way they explore entitlement, fairness, culture, and how resilience, adaptability, and community often matter more than rigid rule-following.

This is a grounded take on what actually shapes success and meaning in a world that rarely makes sense the way we were told it would.

Resources Mentioned and Recommended Reading/Listening

  • Thinking in Bets by Annie Duke
  • For more information on Inputs, Outputs, and Outcomes, see 23 Lessons from 2025, Modern Wisdom
  • The Knowledge Project #37: “Getting Better by Being Wrong” with Annie Duke
  • Absolute Success is Luck. Relative Success is Hard Work. by James Clear

Kisch's Recommended Listening:

  • Jay-Z
  • Cleo Sol
  • Euro

Kim's Recommended Listening:

  • Crimetown, the podcast on Rhode Islands mob
  • Art of Accomplishment podcast
  • Being Well podcast
  • Mind Pump podcast
  • Sault
  • Rosalia
  • Bad Bunny
  • Bon Iver
  • Jorja Smith
  • Jamila Woods

Pancho's Recommended Listening:

  • Modern Wisdom podcast
  • Parra por Cuva
  • alt-j
  • Swimming Paul
  • Jamie xx
]]>12528a9c-bb54-43d2-ac73-46bcd4e7b934Thu, 29 Jan 2026 17:42:18 GMT<p>We grow up with the narrative that if we follow the rules, we'll be rewarded. Go to school, work hard, check all the boxes, and things will turn out like they should. Then we're faced with the reality that sometimes the rules don’t work, the rewards never come, and the world isn't fair.</p><p></p><p>In this episode, Pancho and Kim talk with Kish Lenus about bumping up against the “hidden rules” of schooling, work, systems, and success. Kish shares how he moved between cultures, expectations, and assumptions about effort and reward. He shares how his unique background shaped his path into community building and entrepreneurship. Along the way they explore entitlement, fairness, culture, and how resilience, adaptability, and community often matter more than rigid rule-following.</p><p></p><p>This is a grounded take on what actually shapes success and meaning in a world that rarely makes sense the way we were told it would.</p><p></p><p>We grow up with the narrative that if we follow the rules, we'll be rewarded. Go to school, work hard, check all the boxes, and things will turn out like they should. Then we're faced with the reality that sometimes the rules don’t work, the rewards never come, and the world isn't fair.</p><p></p><p>In this episode, Pancho and Kim talk with Kish Lenus about bumping up against the “hidden rules” of schooling, work, systems, and success. Kish shares how he moved between cultures, expectations, and assumptions about effort and reward. He shares how his unique background shaped his path into community building and entrepreneurship. Along the way they explore entitlement, fairness, culture, and how resilience, adaptability, and community often matter more than rigid rule-following.</p><p></p><p>This is a grounded take on what actually shapes success and meaning in a world that rarely makes sense the way we were told it would.</p><p></p><p><b>Resources Mentioned and Recommended Reading/Listening</b></p><ul><li>Thinking in Bets by Annie Duke</li><li>For more information on Inputs, Outputs, and Outcomes, see 23 Lessons from 2025, Modern Wisdom</li><li>The Knowledge Project #37: “Getting Better by Being Wrong” with Annie Duke</li><li>Absolute Success is Luck. Relative Success is Hard Work. by James Clear</li></ul><p></p><p><b>Kisch's Recommended Listening:</b></p><ul><li>Jay-Z</li><li>Cleo Sol</li><li>Euro</li></ul><p></p><p><b>Kim's Recommended Listening:</b></p><ul><li>Crimetown, the podcast on Rhode Islands mob</li><li>Art of Accomplishment podcast</li><li>Being Well podcast</li><li>Mind Pump podcast</li><li>Sault</li><li>Rosalia</li><li>Bad Bunny</li><li>Bon Iver</li><li>Jorja Smith</li><li>Jamila Woods</li></ul><p></p><p><b>Pancho's Recommended Listening:</b></p><ul><li>Modern Wisdom podcast</li><li>Parra por Cuva</li><li>alt-j</li><li>Swimming Paul</li><li>Jamie xx</li></ul>no01:10:46Making Peace With An Unfair World with Kisch Lenusfull<![CDATA[Adulting 102: In Defense of Being a Little Childish]]>What if some of the behaviors we’re most eager to outgrow are actually the ones we need back?

In this episode, Pancho and Kim explore what we label as “childish” and why curiosity, play, emotional honesty, and joy tend to get disciplined out of us over time. They unpack how social pressure teaches us to be polite instead of honest, agreeable instead of curious, and composed instead of alive.

Drawing from psychology, lived experience, and a few uncomfortable truths, the conversation looks at what gets lost when adulthood becomes synonymous with restraint and self-censorship. What unlocks for us when we stop confusing maturity with emotional numbness?

This is an opportunity to reframe. Acting like a child might not be regressing - it might be reclaiming the parts of ourselves that never needed fixing in the first place.

Resources Mentioned / Recommended Reading and Listening

  • Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
  • Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
  • The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
  • Paul Ekman’s research on emotional expression and cultural “display rules”
  • Self-Determination Theory by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan
  • Harvard Business Review: “Why Curiosity Matters More Than Ever”
]]>689308c1-2fe3-41a7-8560-f52c8fed55cbThu, 22 Jan 2026 03:56:32 GMT<p>What if some of the behaviors we’re most eager to outgrow are actually the ones we need back?</p><p></p><p>In this episode, Pancho and Kim explore what we label as “childish” and why curiosity, play, emotional honesty, and joy tend to get disciplined out of us over time. They unpack how social pressure teaches us to be polite instead of honest, agreeable instead of curious, and composed instead of alive.</p><p></p><p>Drawing from psychology, lived experience, and a few uncomfortable truths, the conversation looks at what gets lost when adulthood becomes synonymous with restraint and self-censorship. What unlocks for us when we stop confusing maturity with emotional numbness?</p><p></p><p>This is an opportunity to reframe. Acting like a child might not be regressing - it might be reclaiming the parts of ourselves that never needed fixing in the first place.</p><p></p><p><b>Resources Mentioned / Recommended Reading and Listening</b></p><ul><li>Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman</li><li>Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson</li><li>The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson</li><li>Paul Ekman’s research on emotional expression and cultural “display rules”</li><li>Self-Determination Theory by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan</li><li>Harvard Business Review: “Why Curiosity Matters More Than Ever”</li></ul>no01:16:40Adulting 102: In Defense of Being a Little Childishfull<![CDATA[Resolutions Reconsidered - What the Yogis Got Right]]>Every January, we feel the cultural pressure to improve (or at least act like we will).

We make promises. We set goals. We tell ourselves this year will be different. Our desires and aspirations are co-opted by the rush of everyone setting resolutions and by everyone who will take your money with the promise of helping you make them real this time.

In this episode, Kim and Pancho slow the whole thing down and look at what actually happens when we set resolutions. Why do they so often slide into self-deception, quiet self-abandonment, or a weird performance of self-discipline? How can we pressure-test our resolutions?

Kim and Pancho discuss priming and gratitude, the idea that discipline can create freedom, and what yoga philosophy offers when our goals resolutinos start to feel like they're not doing what they're supposed to. Anti-resolutions show up as a kind of grace period. This episode is a chance to notice what no longer fits before announcing what’s next.

If January makes you weird about goals, or you’re tired of starting over, this episode offers a steadier way to make plans that don’t require lying to yourself.

Resources Mentioned / Recommended Reading and Listening

Everything Life Coaching (Lumia Podcast) - "The Science of Goal Setting (How Clear Plans Calm Anxiety and Create Change)"

The Yamas and Niyamas by Deborah Adele

The Heart of Yoga by T.K.V Desikachar

The Huberman Lab - "The Science of Gratitude & How to Build a Gratitude Practice"

]]>eba3c4b0-0fc4-4bc7-b8ef-6989f486d898Tue, 20 Jan 2026 23:31:06 GMT<p>Every January, we feel the cultural pressure to improve (or at least act like we will).</p><p></p><p>We make promises. We set goals. We tell ourselves this year will be different. Our desires and aspirations are co-opted by the rush of everyone setting resolutions and by everyone who will take your money with the promise of helping you make them real this time.</p><p></p><p>In this episode, Kim and Pancho slow the whole thing down and look at what actually happens when we set resolutions. Why do they so often slide into self-deception, quiet self-abandonment, or a weird performance of self-discipline? How can we pressure-test our resolutions?</p><p></p><p>Kim and Pancho discuss priming and gratitude, the idea that discipline can create freedom, and what yoga philosophy offers when our goals resolutinos start to feel like they're not doing what they're supposed to. Anti-resolutions show up as a kind of grace period. This episode is a chance to notice what no longer fits before announcing what’s next.</p><p></p><p>If January makes you weird about goals, or you’re tired of starting over, this episode offers a steadier way to make plans that don’t require lying to yourself.</p><p></p><p><b>Resources Mentioned / Recommended Reading and Listening</b></p><p>Everything Life Coaching (Lumia Podcast) - "The Science of Goal Setting (How Clear Plans Calm Anxiety and Create Change)"</p><p>The Yamas and Niyamas by Deborah Adele</p><p>The Heart of Yoga by T.K.V Desikachar</p><p>The Huberman Lab - "The Science of Gratitude &amp; How to Build a Gratitude Practice"</p><p></p>no01:06:2416Resolutions Reconsidered - What the Yogis Got Rightfull<![CDATA[When They're a Jerk but You're Obviously Not - Brain Bugs & Being Human]]>We’re quick to explain our own behavior with context and just as quick to explain other people’s behavior with character.

In this episode, Pancho and Kim dig into a cognitive bias most of us are running without realizing it: the fundamental attribution error. It’s the mental shortcut that has us labeling other people as lazy, rude, careless, or difficult while giving ourselves a much more generous read of the situation.

Using everyday examples, this conversation explores how and why we default to character judgments, what our brains are trying to protect us from, and how much nuance gets lost when we ignore context. The episode looks at how these attribution errors quietly shape relationships, conflict, communication, and self-perception.

This isn’t about becoming nicer or more forgiving overnight. It’s about noticing the stories you tell about other people and yourself, and what changes when you slow that reflex down.

If you’ve ever wondered why misunderstandings escalate so fast, or why empathy feels harder than it should, this episode offers a simple but uncomfortable reframe worth sitting with.

]]>20ff7dff-f8ee-4a3c-a2cc-33a2bfc3fab4Thu, 08 Jan 2026 15:54:53 GMT<p>We’re quick to explain our own behavior with context and just as quick to explain other people’s behavior with character.</p><p>In this episode, Pancho and Kim dig into a cognitive bias most of us are running without realizing it: the fundamental attribution error. It’s the mental shortcut that has us labeling other people as lazy, rude, careless, or difficult while giving ourselves a much more generous read of the situation.</p><p>Using everyday examples, this conversation explores how and why we default to character judgments, what our brains are trying to protect us from, and how much nuance gets lost when we ignore context. The episode looks at how these attribution errors quietly shape relationships, conflict, communication, and self-perception.</p><p>This isn’t about becoming nicer or more forgiving overnight. It’s about noticing the stories you tell about other people and yourself, and what changes when you slow that reflex down.</p><p>If you’ve ever wondered why misunderstandings escalate so fast, or why empathy feels harder than it should, this episode offers a simple but uncomfortable reframe worth sitting with.</p>yes01:08:3815When They're a Jerk but You're Obviously Not - Brain Bugs & Being Humanfull<![CDATA[Adulting 101: How To Make Friends As A Grownup]]>Adult friendships are harder than we expect, and no one really teaches us how to do them.

In this episode, Pancho and Kim talk candidly about what it takes to build, maintain, and sometimes grieve friendships in adulthood. They explore why friendships fade, why friendship breakups are uniquely difficult, and how life transitions reshape who we can actually show up for.

This isn’t about fixing your social life. It’s about context, loosening self-blame, and learning how to be a villager in a hyper-individualistic world.

If adult friendship has felt confusing, lonely, or heavier than it used to be, this conversation offers a more honest way to think about it.

Resources Mentioned We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships by Kat Vellos - ⁠https://weshouldgettogether.com/⁠

Friendship by David Whyte - ⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5scnhCFuWiI⁠

Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation - The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community - ⁠https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

]]>9476ee9e-2637-4a7b-8b74-73323cc2e3dcThu, 01 Jan 2026 12:30:00 GMT<p>Adult friendships are harder than we expect, and no one really teaches us how to do them.</p><p>In this episode, Pancho and Kim talk candidly about what it takes to build, maintain, and sometimes grieve friendships in adulthood. They explore why friendships fade, why friendship breakups are uniquely difficult, and how life transitions reshape who we can actually show up for.</p><p>This isn’t about fixing your social life. It’s about context, loosening self-blame, and learning how to be a villager in a hyper-individualistic world.</p><p>If adult friendship has felt confusing, lonely, or heavier than it used to be, this conversation offers a more honest way to think about it.</p><p></p><p>Resources Mentioned We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships by Kat Vellos - <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://weshouldgettogether.com/" target="_blank">⁠</a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://weshouldgettogether.com/⁠" target="_blank">https://weshouldgettogether.com/⁠</a></p><p>Friendship by David Whyte - <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5scnhCFuWiI" target="_blank">⁠</a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5scnhCFuWiI⁠" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5scnhCFuWiI⁠</a></p><p>Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation - The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community - <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf" target="_blank">⁠</a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf" target="_blank">https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf</a></p>no01:18:54Adulting 101: How To Make Friends As A Grownupfull<![CDATA[Generations Ago, Your Personality Formed: Judy Hu on Epigenetics and Inherited Pain]]>What if the things you call your personality are actually unfinished survival strategies?

In this episode, we sit down with Judy Hu, a licensed mental health counselor and boundary coach, to discuss trauma in context. Not just personal trauma, but cultural and inherited trauma that shapes how we relate, react, and protect ourselves.

Judy unpacks why trauma often masquerades as personality, why boundaries are embodied and political, and how epigenetics helps explain reactions that feel bigger than the moment. We explore anger as a signal, grief as unfinished work, and what it means to move from fixing ourselves to understanding ourselves.

If you’ve ever felt shame for responses that feel automatic and outsized, this episode offers a different frame.


Resources Mentioned

]]>6f921549-9797-4c1d-9b5d-1e6a6bf0bc51Fri, 26 Dec 2025 12:30:00 GMT<p>What if the things you call your personality are actually unfinished survival strategies?</p><p>In this episode, we sit down with Judy Hu, a licensed mental health counselor and boundary coach, to discuss trauma in context. Not just personal trauma, but cultural and inherited trauma that shapes how we relate, react, and protect ourselves.</p><p>Judy unpacks why trauma often masquerades as personality, why boundaries are embodied and political, and how epigenetics helps explain reactions that feel bigger than the moment. We explore anger as a signal, grief as unfinished work, and what it means to move from fixing ourselves to understanding ourselves.</p><p>If you’ve ever felt shame for responses that feel automatic and outsized, this episode offers a different frame.</p><p><br />Resources Mentioned</p><ul><li>Judy Hu's Book - <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://theboundaryrevolution.com/my-book" target="_blank">https://theboundaryrevolution.com/my-book</a></li><li>Resmaa Menakem, <i>My Grandmother’s Hands</i></li><li>Ingrid Clayton, <i>Fawning</i></li><li>Louise Hay, <i>You Can Heal Your Body</i></li><li>Ross Douthat, <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/16/opinion/young-white-men-discrimination.html" target="_blank"><i>There’s a Simpler Explanation for the Rightward Shift of Young Men</i></a></li><li>Michael W. Green, <i>Part 1: </i><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.yesigiveafig.com/p/part-1-my-life-is-a-lie" target="_blank"><i>My Life Is a Lie</i></a></li></ul>no01:19:4313Generations Ago, Your Personality Formed: Judy Hu on Epigenetics and Inherited Painfull<![CDATA[Breaking Open - Dan Walker on Embracing Complexity]]>In this episode, Kim and Pancho sit down with Dan Walker to talk about justice, conflict, and what it actually takes to stay human inside complexity. They discuss the lived, evolving version of justice that forces us to hold contradictions as true, tolerate discomfort, and stay in relationship when it would be easier to collapse into certainty or people-pleasing.

Dan shares how his experiences navigating legal systems, professional transitions, and romantic relationships have reshaped his understanding of right and wrong, conflict engagement versus conflict resolution, and why binary thinking keeps us stuck. Together, they explore emotional intelligence, distress tolerance, and the role community plays when old identities or relationships fall away. It’s a conversation about learning to stay present with tension, engage conflict without needing to “win,” and grow by holding more than one truth at the same time.

]]>5d453f1a-9288-4d9d-b595-f9f26d2562e9Tue, 23 Dec 2025 21:29:38 GMT<p>In this episode, Kim and Pancho sit down with Dan Walker to talk about justice, conflict, and what it actually takes to stay human inside complexity. They discuss the lived, evolving version of justice that forces us to hold contradictions as true, tolerate discomfort, and stay in relationship when it would be easier to collapse into certainty or people-pleasing.</p><p>Dan shares how his experiences navigating legal systems, professional transitions, and romantic relationships have reshaped his understanding of right and wrong, conflict engagement versus conflict resolution, and why binary thinking keeps us stuck. Together, they explore emotional intelligence, distress tolerance, and the role community plays when old identities or relationships fall away. It’s a conversation about learning to stay present with tension, engage conflict without needing to “win,” and grow by holding more than one truth at the same time.</p><p></p>no01:04:0412Breaking Open - Dan Walker on Embracing Complexityfull<![CDATA[Just Make a Mark - Kiara Boston on Creativity]]>Most people think creativity is a talent you either have or you don’t. Kaira Boston disagrees.

In this episode, Kim and Pancho sit down with Kaira to talk about creativity as a life force - a way we process emotion, work with anxiety, and relate to ourselves when words stop working. They explore why creativity often shows up when we’re stuck, overwhelmed, or quietly unhappy, and how small, imperfect acts of self-expression can do more for our mental health than trying to think our way toward change.

From why constraints actually help creativity, to why making the first mark matters more than making something we think is good, this conversation reframes creativity as accessible, practical, and deeply human. If you’ve ever felt blocked, restless, or disconnected from yourself, this episode offers a different way in.

]]>8e7f004b-4269-4429-89f5-f6fab95bac5bTue, 23 Dec 2025 21:28:50 GMT<p>Most people think creativity is a talent you either have or you don’t. Kaira Boston disagrees.</p><p>In this episode, Kim and Pancho sit down with Kaira to talk about creativity as a life force - a way we process emotion, work with anxiety, and relate to ourselves when words stop working. They explore why creativity often shows up when we’re stuck, overwhelmed, or quietly unhappy, and how small, imperfect acts of self-expression can do more for our mental health than trying to think our way toward change.</p><p>From why constraints actually help creativity, to why making the first mark matters more than making something we think is good, this conversation reframes creativity as accessible, practical, and deeply human. If you’ve ever felt blocked, restless, or disconnected from yourself, this episode offers a different way in.</p>no01:06:4011Just Make a Mark - Kiara Boston on Creativityfull<![CDATA[Part 2: How To Kill Small Talk and Become Someone Worth Talking To]]>If you’ve ever wondered why your conversations feel flat, it probably starts with the questions you ask.

In this episode, Kim and Pancho dig into why advice is so fragile and why the real superpower, the one that actually changes your career and your relationships, is learning how to ask better questions. They break down how advice gets warped by the giver’s ego and worldview, why it rarely survives real-life change, and what happens when you stop chasing answers and start getting curious instead.

From dismantling small talk to knowing when silence does more heavy lifting than words, they get into the mechanics of questions that actually open people up instead of steering them. If you want fewer canned answers and more honest conversations, this episode gives you the tools to start asking the questions that actually matter.

]]>f49bd5c5-85f5-40c0-ae88-5c625bf44779Tue, 23 Dec 2025 21:28:14 GMT<p>If you’ve ever wondered why your conversations feel flat, it probably starts with the questions you ask.</p><p>In this episode, Kim and Pancho dig into why advice is so fragile and why the real superpower, the one that actually changes your career and your relationships, is learning how to ask better questions. They break down how advice gets warped by the giver’s ego and worldview, why it rarely survives real-life change, and what happens when you stop chasing answers and start getting curious instead.</p><p>From dismantling small talk to knowing when silence does more heavy lifting than words, they get into the mechanics of questions that actually open people up instead of steering them. If you want fewer canned answers and more honest conversations, this episode gives you the tools to start asking the questions that actually matter.</p>no00:45:2310Part 2: How To Kill Small Talk and Become Someone Worth Talking Tofull<![CDATA[Part 1: How To Kill Small Talk and Become Someone Worth Talking To]]>If you’ve ever wondered why your conversations feel flat, it probably starts with the questions you ask.

In this episode, Kim and Pancho dig into why advice is so fragile and why the real superpower, the one that actually changes your career and your relationships, is learning how to ask better questions. They break down how advice gets warped by the giver’s ego and worldview, why it rarely survives real-life change, and what happens when you stop chasing answers and start getting curious instead.

From dismantling small talk to knowing when silence does more heavy lifting than words, they get into the mechanics of questions that actually open people up instead of steering them. If you want fewer canned answers and more honest conversations, this episode gives you the tools to start asking the questions that actually matter.

]]>768568f5-d56b-4e07-a773-41d6e1494975Tue, 23 Dec 2025 21:27:26 GMT<p>If you’ve ever wondered why your conversations feel flat, it probably starts with the questions you ask.</p><p>In this episode, Kim and Pancho dig into why advice is so fragile and why the real superpower, the one that actually changes your career and your relationships, is learning how to ask better questions. They break down how advice gets warped by the giver’s ego and worldview, why it rarely survives real-life change, and what happens when you stop chasing answers and start getting curious instead.</p><p>From dismantling small talk to knowing when silence does more heavy lifting than words, they get into the mechanics of questions that actually open people up instead of steering them. If you want fewer canned answers and more honest conversations, this episode gives you the tools to start asking the questions that actually matter.</p>no00:53:409Part 1: How To Kill Small Talk and Become Someone Worth Talking Tofull<![CDATA[The Arrival Fallacy - "When I Get There I Can Finally Rest"]]>We love telling ourselves that once we finally reach our goal, things will settle. More peace, more joy, more sleep. The arrival fallacy sells that fantasy hard, and we keep buying it, even though every past “arrival” has proved otherwise.

In this conversation, Kim and Pancho discuss what happens when we pin too much hope on a single accomplishment. Kim discusses how the arrival fallacy leads to burnout, causing us to hold our discomfort at arm’s length and convince ourselves that the next accomplishment will magically fix everything. Pancho discusses how shifting our focus from outcomes to process can be a more reliable means to sustainable peace and joy.

]]>0c6127eb-96a6-404d-9b9b-5da1b88573e2Tue, 23 Dec 2025 21:26:47 GMT<p>We love telling ourselves that once we finally reach our goal, things will settle. More peace, more joy, more sleep. The arrival fallacy sells that fantasy hard, and we keep buying it, even though every past “arrival” has proved otherwise.</p><p>In this conversation, Kim and Pancho discuss what happens when we pin too much hope on a single accomplishment. Kim discusses how the arrival fallacy leads to burnout, causing us to hold our discomfort at arm’s length and convince ourselves that the next accomplishment will magically fix everything. Pancho discusses how shifting our focus from outcomes to process can be a more reliable means to sustainable peace and joy.</p>no01:11:378The Arrival Fallacy - "When I Get There I Can Finally Rest"full<![CDATA[In Love, Married, and Wouldn't Recommend It With Jordan Devine]]>In this episode, fellow coach Jordan Devine joins Kim and Pancho to explore the balance between relationships and individuality. Drawing from their own lives and viral moments, they discuss the societal expectations of marriage and the concept of couple privilege. They unpack the expectations we bring into long-term commitment, how those evolve over time, and why marriage can be one of the most powerful spaces for us to grow and learn how to be a better human. The conversation challenges traditional narratives and encourages listeners to reflect on their own definitions of a happy, successful relationship.

Whether you're in a relationship, about to get married, or exploring your individuality, this episode offers valuable insights and a fresh perspective on modern relationships.

]]>645314b1-4a55-4c60-a39e-70c7e8fc8cccTue, 23 Dec 2025 21:25:53 GMT<p>In this episode, fellow coach Jordan Devine joins Kim and Pancho to explore the balance between relationships and individuality. Drawing from their own lives and viral moments, they discuss the societal expectations of marriage and the concept of couple privilege. They unpack the expectations we bring into long-term commitment, how those evolve over time, and why marriage can be one of the most powerful spaces for us to grow and learn how to be a better human. The conversation challenges traditional narratives and encourages listeners to reflect on their own definitions of a happy, successful relationship.</p><p>Whether you're in a relationship, about to get married, or exploring your individuality, this episode offers valuable insights and a fresh perspective on modern relationships.</p>no01:05:187In Love, Married, and Wouldn't Recommend It With Jordan Devinefull<![CDATA[Unlearning the Rush with Noelle Cordeaux]]>In this episode, Kim and Pancho sit down with Noelle Cordeaux, CEO and co-founder of Lumia Coaching, for a conversation about what it means to be human in a world that keeps speeding up.

They explore how our obsession with progress and productivity pulls us away from joy, and how slowing down, connecting with nature, and leaning on community can bring us back to ourselves. Noelle shares her take on burnout as a natural signal rather than a failure, and why rituals, uncertainty, and even small acts of creativity can help us shed old identities and grow into new ones.

It’s an honest, funny, and thoughtful conversation about what it takes to find joy in authenticity and the importance of personal growth.

]]>02eb984e-f96a-4d76-baae-3387dd1f7ed9Tue, 23 Dec 2025 21:24:29 GMT<p>In this episode, Kim and Pancho sit down with Noelle Cordeaux, CEO and co-founder of Lumia Coaching, for a conversation about what it means to be human in a world that keeps speeding up.</p><p>They explore how our obsession with progress and productivity pulls us away from joy, and how slowing down, connecting with nature, and leaning on community can bring us back to ourselves. Noelle shares her take on burnout as a natural signal rather than a failure, and why rituals, uncertainty, and even small acts of creativity can help us shed old identities and grow into new ones.</p><p>It’s an honest, funny, and thoughtful conversation about what it takes to find joy in authenticity and the importance of personal growth.</p>no01:16:156Unlearning the Rush with Noelle Cordeauxfull<![CDATA[Navigating the Peaks and Valleys of Expertise]]>In this conversation, Kim Paull and Pancho Gomez explore various psychological concepts related to self-awareness, leadership, and personal development. They discuss the Dunning-Kruger effect, Wittgenstein's Ruler, and the Peter Principle.

They touch on the importance of community support in stressful times, when we are less capable of seeing ourselves clearly. The conversation emphasizes the need for humility and self-awareness in both personal and professional growth, highlighting the challenges of navigating leadership roles and the impact of stress on decision-making.

]]>fa786870-3f5c-442e-980a-215f237084bcTue, 23 Dec 2025 21:23:16 GMT<p>In this conversation, Kim Paull and Pancho Gomez explore various psychological concepts related to self-awareness, leadership, and personal development. They discuss the Dunning-Kruger effect, Wittgenstein's Ruler, and the Peter Principle.</p><p>They touch on the importance of community support in stressful times, when we are less capable of seeing ourselves clearly. The conversation emphasizes the need for humility and self-awareness in both personal and professional growth, highlighting the challenges of navigating leadership roles and the impact of stress on decision-making.</p>no00:58:195Navigating the Peaks and Valleys of Expertisefull<![CDATA[Grief and Identity: How Loss Shapes Our Lives]]>In this episode, Pancho and Kim discuss the various facets of grief, highlighting the kind that doesn’t always look like grief, but quietly shapes who we become. They explore how unprocessed loss can distort our sense of self and how collective grief ripples through culture, often disguised as frustration, distraction, or burnout. Together they unpack the ways grief hides in plain sight, the anger it sometimes wears as armor, and why learning to face it might be one of the most radical forms of emotional intelligence we have.

]]>780c4bf2-0643-4c66-9d19-f374d554962aTue, 02 Dec 2025 20:01:35 GMT<p>In this episode, Pancho and Kim discuss the various facets of grief, highlighting the kind that doesn’t always look like grief, but quietly shapes who we become. They explore how unprocessed loss can distort our sense of self and how collective grief ripples through culture, often disguised as frustration, distraction, or burnout. Together they unpack the ways grief hides in plain sight, the anger it sometimes wears as armor, and why learning to face it might be one of the most radical forms of emotional intelligence we have.</p>no01:12:064Grief and Identity: How Loss Shapes Our Livesfull<![CDATA[Do We Live In A Friendly Universe?]]>In this conversation, Kim Paull and Pancho Gomez explore the themes of ego, connection, certainty, and the nature of existence.

They discuss the importance of surrendering to uncertainty, the concept of a friendly universe, and the philosophical implications of determinism and free will. Pancho gives his pitch on optimistic nihilism, the search for meaning in chaos, and the nature of choice. To wrap up, Kim shares a story that explores the value of creating meaning in our lives, even if it's using a framework that's not necessarily true.

]]>423a0c75-0832-428e-92cb-d592e33b5a14Thu, 27 Nov 2025 04:11:11 GMT<p>In this conversation, Kim Paull and Pancho Gomez explore the themes of ego, connection, certainty, and the nature of existence.</p><p>They discuss the importance of surrendering to uncertainty, the concept of a friendly universe, and the philosophical implications of determinism and free will. Pancho gives his pitch on optimistic nihilism, the search for meaning in chaos, and the nature of choice. To wrap up, Kim shares a story that explores the value of creating meaning in our lives, even if it's using a framework that's not necessarily true.</p>no01:14:353Do We Live In A Friendly Universe?full<![CDATA[The Four Tendencies - Expectations and Motivation]]>How do we respond to our expectations of ourselves and others' expectations of us?

In this conversation, Kim and Pancho explore the concept of the Four Tendencies, a personality framework developed by Gretchen Rubin that categorizes individuals based on their relationship to expectations. They discuss the implications of each tendency—Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels—highlighting their strengths and weaknesses.

The conversation also explores how these tendencies relate to identity, self-awareness, and personal development, emphasizing the importance of understanding oneself and others in various contexts, including coaching and relationships.

]]>c3e56154-83e0-43d2-945d-b1491e56c51dThu, 27 Nov 2025 04:10:12 GMT<p>How do we respond to our expectations of ourselves and others' expectations of us?</p><p>In this conversation, Kim and Pancho explore the concept of the Four Tendencies, a personality framework developed by Gretchen Rubin that categorizes individuals based on their relationship to expectations. They discuss the implications of each tendency—Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels—highlighting their strengths and weaknesses.</p><p>The conversation also explores how these tendencies relate to identity, self-awareness, and personal development, emphasizing the importance of understanding oneself and others in various contexts, including coaching and relationships.</p>no01:10:432The Four Tendencies - Expectations and Motivationfull<![CDATA[Idiot Compassion (aka Yeslighting)]]>Idiot Compassion (aka Yeslighting) might look like empathy at first glance, but it's actually a way we avoid the uncomfortable realities in our lives and relationships. It keeps us stuck in shallow relationships. It blocks growth and prevents learning, both for us and the people we care about.

In our debut episode, Pancho and Kim briefly discuss Kim's excitement for back to school, Pancho's wedding planning process, and the nuances of executive functioning with ADHD. Then they dive into the heart of the episode: why yeslighting, gaslighting’s more common and equally subversive cousin, is so easy to fall into and so hard to see until you name it.

]]>08606995-de81-43f0-8a90-e4d9e5103927Wed, 26 Nov 2025 21:57:43 GMT<p>Idiot Compassion (aka Yeslighting) might look like empathy at first glance, but it's actually a way we avoid the uncomfortable realities in our lives and relationships. It keeps us stuck in shallow relationships. It blocks growth and prevents learning, both for us and the people we care about. </p><p></p><p>In our debut episode, Pancho and Kim briefly discuss Kim's excitement for back to school, Pancho's wedding planning process, and the nuances of executive functioning with ADHD. Then they dive into the heart of the episode: why yeslighting, gaslighting’s more common and equally subversive cousin, is so easy to fall into and so hard to see until you name it.</p>no01:00:521Idiot Compassion (aka Yeslighting)full